Leading by Letting Go: Why rest is a leadership practice, not a luxury
In a world where leadership is often associated with relentless presence and performance, the power of rest is often overlooked. Yet for leaders at every level - aspiring, middle, and senior - how we choose to rest, and how visibly we do so, sends powerful signals.
A school principal recently reminded me of this while enjoying a reset with family in Italy. She shared:
“Current, aspirant and even middle leaders need to think about the messages they send when they appear to never be anything but on and present at work. The importance of modelling a full life with a range of interests is something I'm only just getting better at. I think I first appreciated it best listening to you talk about your love of flamenco.”
This comment captures something we rarely talk about: rest as reputation.
Leaders are always visible. Even when we don’t intend it, we’re modelling how to be. When we work through illness, respond to emails at midnight, or skip holidays, others notice. They begin to equate good leadership with self-sacrifice, instead of sustainable presence.
Not all rest is the same
One key insight many leaders miss is this: rest isn’t just about stopping work. It’s about recovering well. And not all rest is the same.
Physical rest allows the body to stop moving. It includes sleep, lying down, walking without a purpose, stretching - anything that lets your body restore itself.
Mental rest is something quite different. It’s about giving your mind a break from processing, problem-solving, and the cognitive load of leadership. This kind of rest can be surprisingly difficult for leaders who are always “on.”
Flamenco, for me, offers both. It’s physically engaging, yes - but more importantly, it shifts the type of thinking I use. When I’m learning choreography or working with rhythm and expression, I’m not planning, solving, or analysing. I’m present, embodied, and focused in a way that gives my leadership brain time to recover. It’s an active form of mental rest.
Others might find this kind of restoration through gardening, painting, journalling, hiking, or quiet rituals like brewing tea or sitting still. The activity itself matters less than the shift it provides.
Why leaders need to model rest
Culture-setting: When leaders normalise taking breaks, teams feel safer doing the same. It becomes part of the rhythm, not a rare exception.
Vitality over burnout: Rest fuels the clarity and energy required for decision-making and creative problem-solving. A depleted leader can’t coach, support or challenge effectively.
Permission-giving: Especially in education, where staff feel enormous emotional load, seeing a leader honour their own limits is a powerful kind of permission.
Leading by letting go
It took me a while to learn this. Flamenco was my first attempt to reclaim space for something purely joyful. Golf followed later, and it’s still humbling me every week! Neither is connected to my “productivity,” but both sharpen my awareness, renew my energy and remind me I’m more than my work.
When I share these hobbies with clients, I sometimes see surprise, followed by relief. It’s as though they needed permission to “have a life” too.
Rest isn’t weakness, it’s one of the most underused leadership tools we have. Leverage it as one of your strengths.